University sucks?

I struggled a little coming up with the title ah to clear it up, no I didn't get to uni so I'm not being ungrateful and hating it after I was so desperate to get in.

Apparently not that desperate, although I'd say that I am now, and I have 2 years to wait x.x I'll be on my first year when my best friend is on her last year, and that's providing I don't screw this up!

I'm currently studying English AS, and History A2[Again] although I'm answering a different question in History so I was feeling pretty optimistic, it helps that English is going reasonably well thus far. Although I recently hit a hitch with my History so naturally I'm feeling discouraged and down in the dumps, and family do not help with that one bit. x.x They never seem to realise I do actually feel bad when they say mean thinks, joking or not, it's not fun.

I'm still working on my Japanese [did I say that before? I don't know haha] On my step four this year, it's hard, like really hard. I'm starting to feel de-motivated for it as well to be honest. Whenever I try to do something and it gets tough it's like something in my head just tells me I can't do it and I should just not even bother. I've been feeling it a lot with university as well, I'm pretty much losing faith in my own abilities, I mean the amount of Es I managed to get even though I felt like I really tried and did well, and if History goes badly again I might just scrap it once I manage a B in it, and never touch it again, it's enough to traumatise someone!

Ah anyway enough about school! Time for talking about the title!

My best friend is at university, both having fun with her new friends and working her butt off because there's so much to do, so guess who hasn't been able to talk to her? Yup lil ol' me who's on the other side of the water from her, I mean it's not her fault, but it sucks and I hate it because I'm being all bratty and stupid and I'm worried I'm bothering her x.x; It would be so much easier if I wasn't forced to just speak to her online. Mostly because I'm sure it'll all be good and fine when I see her in December but right now, when we can barely talk. It's annoying and it makes me annoying. and I hate it.  I remember how paranoid I was last year x.x; If it's going to be like this all the time, then I can only assume it's going to get worse, one year after the other. I bet even if we're at uni together she'll still be too busy for me! Since she'll be on her final year x.x Yup it sucks, university definitely sucks. I still really want to go though haha

Last topic of discussion. My good online friend whom I mentioned last time. Well I got a little out of him about a month ago, although it was just to let me know he was alright, and that he was busy with work but that he thought he'd have time to be online soon. Two guesses who hasn't been online since. But it's fine, at least I know he's okay, or at least I know he doesn't want to tell me more than that. I reached out to him over halloween but got nothing which is disapointing as I could have stayed up to talk to him! Silly Americans, they always pick the worst time to get on! Haha.

Anyway that's all for this time. Thanks for listening. Sorry if I sound gloomy, I can't help it, this is just me haha.

CrymsenRose~